In some ways, the 1980s were a great time for me. I was young, popular, intelligent, and a good Christian boy in my Baptist church in North Carolina. I dressed in suits and ties, I dyed my hair several different colors, and I danced to Prince, Madonna, and Boy George. And I dreamed of being stinking rich
But there was another side to me. I discovered pot, alcohol, cigarettes — and sex. In fact, sex was my “drug” of choice. I not only loved sex, the more the better, I needed sex to fill the emptiness I felt and numb my terror of being alone. And as this other side to me grew larger, so did the conflict with my family, my church, and my North Carolina community.
So I rejected them all and left home to pursue my new chosen lifestyle. But instead of fulfillment, I just experienced more depression, isolation, and rejection. Then I fell into a new addiction to cocaine and often ended up prostituting myself to make ends meet. My life just continued to unravel until I was diagnosed HIV positive in 1997.
I moved to Los Angeles in 2001, hoping to start over. But I just ended up in and out of jail and rehab centers — until I came to Union Rescue Mission in 2012.
I arrived depressed, weak, frustrated, and irritated at life. I came expecting to find even more rejection and judgment. Instead, I found myself surrounded by forgiveness, mercy, love, and God’s grace. The chaplains and staff here embraced me and refused to give up on me. No one ever showed me that kind of grace before. Not ever.
I began opening my heart to God again and stepping out in faith. The hole and emptiness I felt my entire life began to fill with new hope, which continues to grow even today. I can’t say it was Union Rescue Mission that filled the hole — but they pointed me to the God who could.
As I approach this coming Easter, I can say I’m a new creation. I’m home.
– Christopher
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